Am I still too young to comprehend? or too inexprienced to let go?
It's commonly agreed that sharing love or care is often more satisfying than giving, but it's not just satisfying, it also makes you think more. I was about to say " as I often move around from places to places and school to school" but that's probably not the only reason, I guess many people of my age, or is it the twenty first century? - experiences a lot of transitions and changes, we are constantly stimulated by new circumstances and inspired by new people we meet. Is it only me? That always face this problem? Similar to those friends from Edinburgh Starbucks. Is it the unexplored that sparked the imagination thus sympathy? Anyways, it seems to be a problem that exists in my life, tiny perfect and touching relationships with seemingly strangers, having to end often because I have to leave. Desirable for some, to have only beautiful memories of a person, but at the same time painful... a struggle to understand whether any further development is possible in those friendships, or how they these friendships should be positioned among the other ones.
hmm, I guess I should admit, it's often time a bit of a compassion x curiosity (?) that led me to these friendships, and it also makes me wonder whether they really need my help (!) (or did I helped?) If yes, now that I have to leave again, how should I treat this feeling of lost of a friend (not so close), and what would I be in the other person's heart? From school time, Muso? Dorm?, SB, LPC, kids I know from volunteering, service trips...etc. I feel like I am quite good in leaving things down, and moving on (I should understand that it's probably the same for the other person too? - or is it? ) just that the immediate moment, i'd feel agitated. (?) Is it how things should go?
Having said that also reminds me my "never had best friend"(never thought I need one) kinda thoughts.
Also how I thought it should be nice enough to be an encouragement/support to the person at one point of their life, even though they might not remember me forever, but as long as s/he continue to (because of the encouragement) have a great life, then it doesn't really matter what my position was in the process. Either I am very short-sighted, or I only like to make local/micro efforts, I thought it's great already to give supports, even tiny ones. (But did I force dropped or habitually faded out some of those relationships, or is it my personality?)
To the thoughts/ dilemmas above, I thought of two possible solutions.
What did I last say I wish to become? My recent aspiration has returned to my answer on the LPC application 5 years ago, oh?
P.S. I have gave the present to Lucky Boy and his domestic helper Irene, in return, I received a letter from her this evening, very SB style. I still owe many students letter, sigh, foreseeable... trap, trap, mental trap
